Race Reports

2010 Autumn Series Race 5

Today was the 5th race of the Autumn Series. In slightly milder temperatures last race, I had (in a sober moment, or was it, I lose track) agreed to help crew Humdinger, as the Wolfman and Wayne, (still a cracking name for a country and western band) were away, and my 70, that’s seven ooooooh, to the unitianated, was only launched yesterday, it made better sense for me to break someone else’s boat instead of mine, and in the process we could continue to flatten out the learning curve. It’s going to take some flattening! (I could always sit on it, (the learning curve) that might speed things up).

I had rather hoped, looking at Saturdays forecast for Sunday, that the northerly gale predicted would materialise, and then I could have spent the afternoon in the club. It was not to be, and 13, unlucky for some as we would later find out, skippers and crews in a variety of hats, we’ve been here before, and I still think it was a lot more fun when boats lifted out straight after the nine gallon race, and were kept safe and dry ‘til the following Easter, prepared to race.

Race officers today, Steve Martin, (not the American comedian) and Martin Gledhill, set course K, good choice. That’s a purely personal and biased opinion

In the 70 class, that’s 707, are you getting the hang of it, only 3 boats made ready, Stormchaser, A Grand Day Out and Humdinger, ably crewed, (journalistic licence used here), by myself, Captain Bucko, the man, the myth, the legend, Andy Volans, ships surgeon, and Thomas Hill, regular Humdinger crew and celebrity sailor, Google him.

Stormchaser had 4 crew, and not one red balaclava to be seen, (who needs Gok Wan when I can give out fashion advice. and A Grand Day Out, with 6 crew, were having just that, a grand day out. Anthony Dearden had lifted Second Fiddle out, and I cant help thinking what a good idea, and the 3 dicks on Sin Bin, had decided not to race, (Richard Plowright, Richard Littlewood, and Richard Craven, the 3 dicks, just in case you were wondering).

In Class One, Bruce and Karen turned up after the crew had got the boat, Shere Kahn, ready. Bruce looked rough, when doesn’t he, but this week he was really rough. The last person I saw looking that rough was the ‘Gristhorpe Man’, in the Rotunda Museum, Google him, or better still go and have a look, and tell me who looks healthiest.

Revenge, Vado, and Dash, with failed delivery Skipper, and recently retired Fisheries’ protection officer, Martin on the helm, also prepared to race, with Kassy, school teachers past present and future, and Ruffian, Skipper Ramsey Mac having pressed another Williams Street coach trip into sailing this afternoon.

Missing was Joker, co owner Nick Taylor, that’s turncoat to his friends, was busy herding reindeers up the main street, it’s a long story but absolutely true.

In Class Two, 2 Sonatas. Three generations of the Turners on B Sharp, and Zeris, without Skipper and owner Yoda, who was away getting his yearly dip in embalming fluid, was crewed to great effect by, among others, his regular crew, of the big guy with curly hair who never brings us any chewing gum samples, and Dave Flett, whose write up on his recent ‘Round Britain Adventure’ makes excellent reading.

Making up Class 2, Tom Clark on Tomahawk, with Rudi Barman sporting a nose injury which was the result of an argument with a faulty pork pie and a fridge door with attitude, and Steve Parker, that’s Parker of the prestigious, perfect, porkly, precision, pedantic, and predictable winner of this year’s pork pie contest. Kelly Hefner, on Little Jeannie, with the Stockdale twins, Ron, (who came fourth in the pie contest, well done Ron) and Anita, trying desperately to bring the numbers down so as not to qualify for the team pensioner title, nice try, but result, fail.

Onto the racing, which is the reason why your reading isn’t it?

Seven OOOhs were first to start, Storm Chaser were first over, that’s only because on Humdinger, the nearest we had to a digital clock was an egg timer! At the green, Stormchaser just got ahead clear, and that was to be it for the rest of the race. Flukey winds did not help, but it was always Stormchaser, Humdinger and A Grand Day Out.

In Class One, I’m not sure what happened. (And now I’m a seven ooooooooooooh man, in the words of Rhett Butler, frankly my dear I don’t give a damn! Which isn’t quite true, but we’re just that far in front, (gloat), that I don’t know what’s going on. Was much better in the old class when it all happened in front of me. (And it still might!)

Bruce and Karen, ably assisted by their crew of Jack, that’s a girl, Mike, heir to the Stockdale tatie empire, and the girl with big eyes, whose name no one has told me, got first place in Shere Kahn.

Revenge 2nd and Vado 3rd. Norman Coward was crewing on Vado, and by the way he walked down the pier, looked like he’d bought Dave Turners old knees in a car boot sale! Ruffian retired prior to the finish, I think there was a coming together with Vado, just before the end of the race, but everyone interviewed was tight lipped. Just a thought, Pete, maybe you should video one of your collision reg classes and watch it back, you never know what you might learn.

In Class Two only 2 finishers, Zeris, minus Yoda, 1st, and the Turners on ‘B a bit sharper next time’, second.

Little Jeannie retired after one lap, a hot chocolate and a tartan blanket over the lap, was more of a tempting reward than a bit of A4 sized Boyes remnant with a tatie print on it. And Tomahawk never got across the start. Rudder failure. Been there, got the T shirt. Word on the street is the brackets were sawn through by ‘Parker the Pieman’, who wanted to stay ashore and revel in the perplexing, precise, pretentious, preposterous, and how did he manage a win, when Thomas the Baker, (Google ‘em) entered and never got a placing, win of the Leeds Arms annual pork pie contest.

Into the club. Steward Eddie hates afternoon races on Sunday. But with the race station calling a halt after 2 laps, good call lads, he might get finished in time for the X Factor results. He’d definitely be back in time for Garrows Law. However, those aspirations looked likely to fail, due to a slight problem with the bridge openings, and an influx of customers just as Eddie thought he was going home. Fortunateley, the lady commodore stepped into the breach, pulling pints better than Bet Lynch, (Google her), so Eddie got home in time for Country File! Results all around today.

And finally, there is no truth in the rumour that the Yacht Club has bought one of the aeroplane arrest systems from the recently de commissioned Ark Royal, and will be using it to try and stop the racing yacht Apollo from doing more laps than is required!